Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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