yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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