New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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