I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
