Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
