I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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