Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
