First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
