SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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