he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
