she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
