i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A+ Viking dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
