...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
