Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
