i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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