I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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