i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
