I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
