someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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