WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
