Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
false alarm. still invincible.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
