Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
