god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
