my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
