I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
