this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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