don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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