wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
