Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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