god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
