so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
