Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
