the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
