Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
