I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
