I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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