You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
