my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
