I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
