I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
