So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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