Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
