Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
