So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
