dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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