New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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