So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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