i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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