I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
