I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
