Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
