he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
