Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
