I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
