plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mom said you looked used
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
