i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So vagazzling was a success
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