New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
