Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.