Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?