So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
