ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains