why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.