I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.