hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
