My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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