My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize