As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
